What does unconditional love mean to me?
My shadow work prompt of the day is: What does unconditional love mean to me?
I have always cringed at unconditional love because of the context it’s typically spoken in. The concept of loyalty and unconditional love has been linked as an act of undying support. I do not want anyone to continue to show love towards me if I’m violating their boundaries, causing them harm, or being predatory to others.
To me, unconditional love looks like acknowledging my full humanity. I believe that within relationships people only act within the confines of “what-you-are-to me”. The parent-child, spouse-spouse, owner-pet relationship are examples of this dynamic. I’ll highlight the parent-child paradigm.
Between a parent and a child, the parent only sees the child as a lesser being, their creation, someone who is needy and dependent. Someone they constantly have to guide and reprimand even after that child matures into an adult and is completely independent. This causes an issue when the child challenges the parent’s dream or has a different point of view.
In the Johnson family, all of the males study medicine, and all of the females study law. Sadie (the family matriarch) wants Zola (her daughter) to pursue a career in law. Zola wants to pursue a career in journalism. Sadie becomes frustrated because Zola would be breaking the family tradition. With Sadie’s knowledge and connections, it will be a seamless experience for her daughter towards a successful career. Sadie guarantees that Zola will earn an above-average salary and she will feel like an accomplished mother.
They (the parent) consider themself older and wiser, so they know what’s best. However, they are not able to see their child’s autonomy. In turn, the child must make a choice:
Follow my own passion and be happy with my decision whether the payoff is lucrative or not.
OR
Acquiesce to my parent’s wishes and secretly resent them for pressuring them.
Unconditional love sees ME as who I AM regardless of my aesthetic, profession, relationship status, or social presence. It is the respect of my agency and autonomy. It holds emotional space for me regardless of the status of our connection or how I appease them.
What does unconditional love mean to you?
